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561 The muther uv all the saints on the distaff side (La madre de le Sante)
Translated by Peter Nicholas Dale


If ya was asken fa quim, an she was a classy clinah,
Ta cum across with a toffy sheila like Annie,
Yu’d have ta say sumthen like pubis, vagina,
Or, a dash less toney, a wird like vulva or fanny.

But as fa the rest uv us sunsabitches, the go
Is ta speak uva cell, a stain, sparrah or crack,
Dummy, gash, crevice, hole, grotto, snack.
Snatch, fig, slipper, or the liddle banjo,

Mouse, tub, sheathe, om’lette, douvah,
Sweediepie, basket, the wig, or furdale,
The sewer, the cat-flap or louver.

The whistle, wot’s-it-called, that thing a yors,
Piss-spot, thighbetween, the snail,
The widdler’s-cage, or brothslops, or, acorse

If ya wanna top all these off, without fail
Remember’ut sum call it shame, nature or womb
An uthers agen, grapedregs, the cut, or the tomb.


28/6/2000
The sonnet is translated into "Strine", the dialect spoken in Australia down to the 1960s.

 


561 The mother of all the saints on the distaff side (orthographically normalized version)

Translated by Peter Nicholas Dale


If you was asking for quim, and she was a classy clinah,
To come across with a toffy sheila like Annie,
You’d have to say something like pubis, vagina,
Or, a dash less toney, a word like vulva or fanny.

But as for the rest of us sons-of-bitches, the go
Is to speak of a cell, a stain, sparrow or crack,
Dummy, gash, crevice, hole, grotto, snack.
Snatch, fig, slipper, or the little banjo,

Mouse, tub, sheathe, omelette, douvah,
Sweetie-pie, basket, the wig, or furdale,
The sewer, the cat-flap or louver.

The whistle, what’s-it-called, that thing of yours,
Piss-spot, thigh-between, the snail,
The widdler’s-cage, or broth-slops, or, of course,

If you want to top all these off, without fail
Remember that some call it shame, nature or womb
And others again, grape-dregs, the cut, or the tomb.

 

28/6/2000